


Biting the Bullet with Gapped Teeth

by dirtdove



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Cabbages, Crack, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, Romantic Comedy, i wanted to write a fake out make out so, momtara and dadko make an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23420524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtdove/pseuds/dirtdove
Summary: Katara just wanted to be a normal girl. Too bad the cabbages had other plans for her.Read on for such ubiquitous topics as Love, Drama, and Vegetable Spheres.
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar), justice/cabbages
Comments: 14
Kudos: 226





	Biting the Bullet with Gapped Teeth

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy this ridiculously 2006-esque crack. Evidently my humor development halted in middle school.

“ _Katara_ ,” Zuko hissed, his breath hot on her ear, “ _let go!_ ”

“Li, for the last time, I’m _Rushi!_ Rooo-sheee. Don’t whine when I’m helping.”

“Dragging me aimlessly through the streets does not count as help.”

Katara mumbled expletives impatiently before coming to a stop. She straightened her emerald dress, the flecks of gold and bronze glittering in the light. Brassy horns sounded from street performers, the dry air blooming with dust as children chased each other carelessly.

“The point is to _not_ draw attention to ourselves. Besides, do you want your goons holding us up every time we stop at a food cart?”

“They’re just doing their job.” Zuko glared at her, lips puckered in disagreement. “People already recognize us all the time. It isn’t a good look for the Fire Lord and the _Avatar’s girl_ to be found sneaking around the Earth kingdom."

Katara scowled. One playwright gains worldwide notoriety and suddenly everyone assumed she’s Aang’s lackey. Of all her friends, she never thought the epithet would stick in his mind. Or maybe Zuko just knew exactly which strings of annoyance to pluck. 

“Good thing we are _not_ the,” cue quotation fingers, “ _Avatar’s girl_ and the big FL, we’re Li and Rushi. We’re from a countryside village on the river, and we’re just here on a trip.”

“As what? Cousins? We look nothing alike.”

Her eyebrow twitched in frustration. “We’ll figure it out when we get to it.”

“Sometimes, I forget you’re just sixteen,” he grumbled under his breath.

“And sometimes?” She yanked Zuko’s shoulder back, forcing him to look her in the eye. “Sometimes, I forget you’re just an asshole.”

That comment earned a few glares in their direction. Zuko rolled his eyes, his hand snaking past her elbow to hold her lower back. He glided her through the crowds deftly, like he’d never left the Earth Kingdom at all. 

Zuko tilted slightly, so that his hair tickled her jaw, his lip skimming her ear. "That's exactly how we lay low, by causing a scene in the middle of the market."

“Just help me look.” She walked out of his touch, grabbing his hand to take the lead. “We should be close by now.” 

Katara would never admit it, but having him close on this trip was a comfort. The village she’d spent the majority of her life in was so close-knit and her community was so small that she’d never learned how to navigate the hustle and bustle of dense cities until just recently. Katara had been delighted to go on her own adventure to meet the Earth King and his dignitaries, but she was doubly so to do it with a friend.

“It wasn't meant to be derogatory.” Zuko’s voice had softened as a sign of he’d let her win this one. “It’s just a hard age.”

Katara snorted. “Right, and seventeen is when we all become grey haired sages.”

“Exactly.” 

She heard the smile in his voice, light as air. Katara couldn’t help but look over her shoulder at him. He had that half-smile on, his wind-tousled hair bound partly up in a ponytail, his bangs softening his high cheeks. The brown of his civilian’s tunic brought out the gold of his eyes, rather than dim it. She did not analyze the quickening of her heart and was thankful fire-breathers can’t feel heartbeats the way she can.

“Whatever,” she grumbled lamely, because she can’t stand not getting the last word in, even though he's pulled a truce. "There's just no point in bringing negative political attention to Toph while her school is new."

It's not that she wants to fight him. Her stomach flutters when he gives her a certain look, and her skin burns when he touches her too lightly, so sometimes, it's just easier to be mean spirited with him. He is not paying attention to her, but instead, his left hand is grazing over metal ledgers, searching for the name, _Beifong_ , engraved into the side of the building.

Zuko mumbled, “That merchant must have sent us the wrong way. It _has_ to be on this side, this building is 764, the next one is 766, but the one we just passed was 748. Where is 750?” 

“There’s no reason to be lost here of all places!” Katara groaned. “Why do men hate asking for directions?”

Ignoring her dismay, he crossed the road midway to look at the cross-section of sandstone buildings, two fingers absentmindedly tapping his chin. A chin where, Katara noted, a fine stubble swept across his jaw to his ear in the beginnings of a beard. By his eyes, he’d started counting the buildings, and, as far as she knows, he doesn’t notice Katara ogling him. He also does not notice the cart flying toward him at break-neck speeds.

Utilizing her most basic instinct, Katara lunged into him, their bodies toppling over the vegetable vendor set up on the street corner. 

“ _My cabbages_!” 

Covered in the pile of wanton green balls of sustenance, Zuko’s lean body pressed firmly into hers, her head cradled between his forehead and his chest, and, for a moment, she considered that there are worse things than this. 

“Shit,” he hissed by her ear, his stubble grazing her temple, and suddenly any intelligible thought was gone. He yanked her by the wrist, pulling her out of the cabbage pile and into the crowd of innocent passersby.

The old man called from a distance, his voice echoing down the long Earth Kingdom alleyways, “Stop! You two, stop where you are!” 

When they slow down in a busier junction, Zuko was still grasping her wrist tightly. Some muscle memory recalls old history, something of, _please try to understand_. She’s trying to understand, and she’s hoping against hope, that she will not form an unhealthy cabbage kink after the events of the day had passed.

He let go of her. His forearm rested against the stone wall and his head rests against his forearm. His sleeve fell to his shoulder, and she realized the tunic she’d gotten him was too big on his body; where his skin showed, taut muscle tightened and slackened under the billowing cotton.

“That was close.” She leans the top of her head onto the brick behind her. She closed her eyes, steadying herself. His breath came out in slowing pants, his chest trying to even his heartbeat, but she felt his blood race with effort. When she glanced at him, he’d been looking at her so curiously. She doesn’t have a word for it, but something untenable coils in her stomach.

“ _Shit_ ,” Katara mumbled, “shit shit shit.” 

His eyebrows furrow with confusion before his eyes widened with surprise. Her trembling fingers threaded through his inky hair, tugging hastily at the tie keeping it half up. Stiff shards of cabbage fell onto her shoulders. Zuko picked at them curiously.

“Kata--,”

“Shut up,” she hissed. 

“There are guards coming this way, aren’t there.” He tilted his face into the crook of her neck, his lashes fluttering against her cheek, giving her more room to pull his hair loose.

“Shut up. Let me think.”

“Fuck, what are we gonna—”

Over the crowd, a shaky but confident cabbage man could be heard, “Officer, they went right through here—”

His elbows were at either side of her shoulders, his hands tight fists at her ears. He’s bent so his whole body covered hers, as though to shield her off from being found.

“Fuck,” he whispered into her hairline. His blood beat loudly in his chest, the line of his body firm against her, his breath tickling her neck. 

“I said,” she grabbed his chin, her gaze flickering from his gritted teeth to his bright eyes, “shut _up_.” 

“Humphgh?” he forced into her mouth, tight and firm and uncomfortable on his. But Zuko’s eyes flutter shut before hers, so she knows he understands what has happened and he’s aware enough to comply. Their noses bump awkwardly, and there’s teeth at first, in a bad way, but altogether still a better kiss than her other first kisses, for which she is grateful.

She’s surprised, even, because his lips were softer and more pliable than they appeared. Katara disconnects for a moment, her skin burning, before sliding her mouth against his again with tentative slowness. His fingers carded through her braids and her heart skipped at the intimacy of that touch.

“Look more convincing, Rushi,” he mumbled against her mouth.

“Who?” she whispered in a daze.

Zuko is a humble man, with notable patience and humility. So, when he smirked at her with knowing conceit before kissing her, Katara is incensed. Just like their duels or their early months of knowing each other, this is one more ruse, one more sparring session for her to win.

His tongue swiped at the part in her lips, so she slanted her mouth against his. Decisively, she grinds her hips against him, eliciting a deep groan from him. 

“Convincing enough, Li?”

He responds by hoisting her up by her thighs, her legs dangling on either side of his waist.

“Loud and clear,” he muttered against her lips.

She pulled his face into hers, and he returned the kiss ardently, his mouth pliant and soft against her. Her hands gripped onto his neck—to balance herself, of course—caressing her soft curves into his taut, sinewy body. The pressure in her abdomen built up like the languid drawl of a Fire Nation summer storm. It did not match at all the sweetness in his kiss and the gentle brushing of his thumbs over her thighs. 

“Hey! You kids, quit that!” 

Zuko pulls away, but not before pressing one hard, chaste kiss on her bruised lips. The pit of her stomach dropped as she caught his final gaze before they turned to the officer. The Earth bender couldn’t be more than twenty-five years old, and his authority was muddied further by the ruddy stain of his cheeks. 

He tried again, his voice cracking slightly, “You can’t do that in public!” 

“We apologize, Sir!” Zuko bows deeply, his loose hair furtively disguising his scar. 

The officer coughed, lowering his voice. “You know, back in the day, you two would be in a lot of trouble for that display.”

Katara spoke up, “We promise we won’t be any more trouble. We apologize, it’s just that, Li and I, we’re newly engaged!” She glanced over to Zuko, his eyes widened slightly through his hair.

“Huh,” the officer remarked, appeased, “at least some good is coming out of this war.” He hooked one gloved thumb into his utility belt and puffed out his chest. “Now, I better not catch you two kids out here again.”

“You won’t, sir! Let’s go, Rushi.” Zuko pulled Katara into the crowd, her heart beating out of her chest. Everything in her burned: the skin where their hands met, her tingling, swollen lips, her feet for having wasted this whole morning walking, when they still had not found Toph.

The yellow-grey dust that lined the sidewalks was blending the city together, her tummy grumbled with agitation, and her cute new dress was already beginning to fray at the hem.

“We can’t even ask a guard for help, they’ll be looking for us," Katara groaned, tired and downtrodden. 

Her arms folded under her chest, wrinkling her dress. Her dark green shoes blistered her soles, and the sweat was starting to weigh her hair heavily on her neck. Something about the Earth Kingdom always laid an aura of anxiety around Katara, but as for Zuko? He seemed to be glowing.

His cheeks were still mottled red, whether from exertion or from humiliation, she couldn’t tell. But the last few days he became energized like she hadn’t seen him in months. He was a prince to most people, but in Omashu, with his shaggy hair sticking to his forehead and tattered peasant clothes hanging loosely, he was Zuko as she had known him; too awkward to be a rogue, and too gentle to be a thug. 

Best of all, he’s too polite and considerate to call her out for gawking at him like a fool _again_.

“I might be a bad substitute for him,” he starts, “but if Uncle were here, he’d say something about needing a tea break.”

Katara can’t help but smile at that, because he carries the one true family member he has in his heart, every step of the way.

“I could use a bite to eat. Where to?”

“Is it terrible that I have a favorite noodle place here?”

When they stumbled into the soup bar, it does not become much of a date. There’s nowhere to sit down, so Katara slurps her spicy boar broth rather quickly in the open air market. The silence is companionable instead of awkward and tense like it always is around Aang. She realizes she feels more comfortable in her own skin than she had in the longest time. Zuko, too, looks serene and contemplative. Part of her wishes she could freeze this moment into a pendant that she could carry around her wrist, or her neck— 

A powerful voice echoed around them: “Who was gonna inform me about the circus being in town?”

“Toph!” they exclaimed in unison. Zuko grabbed her bowl to bring to the counter while Katara swept Toph into the air in a whirlwind of a hug. 

“Okay, okay, Sweetness, I missed you too, but no need for dramatics,” the young earth bending master chided, but her cheeks are rosy anyway.

Zuko ruffled Toph’s hair familiarly. “We’ve been looking for you all morning. I’d give you a piggyback ride for old time's sake, but I have no clue where you live, evidently.”

“Yeah, the whole government-knowing-where-I-am thing bites, so I haven’t gotten into the directory yet. There’s a lot more paperwork to setting up a bending school than you’d think.”

Katara balked. “Toph, do you have a plan on how you’re setting it up? Or did you think you could fight your way into starting a school here, yakuza style?”

The girl shrugged. “Sometimes, it’s about who you know.”

Zuko chuckled, “And who is it that you know?”

She sneered, “People more well connected than the damn Fire—”

Katara and Zuko’s hands slapped over Toph’s mouth.

“Let’s just go to your place, okay?” Katara pleaded.

Her brows furrow, but she doesn’t protest, and it turns out that Toph’s place is seriously sweet. The ornate entry way led directly into the courtyard, where the wide with tall grey stoned walls gave way to a richly landscaped field. Katara and Zuko both eyed the flying boar insignia carved into the metal placard in the grand door. 

Katara coughed nervously before watching Toph. “Did you and your parents—“

Three heavy, metallic knocks rang through the courtyard. Shocked and head ringing, Katara jumped backwards into Zuko’s arms.

With two outstretched arms, Toph forced the door open with her bending. Katara had to restrain from rolling her eyes, as the girl would never cease to be a showoff.

“Madam Toph!” boomed a too familiar voice. Standing at the gate was none other than the officer who had caught Zuko and Katara earlier. "Li! Rushi! What a coincidence running into the happy couple here. I see you still can’t keep your hands off each other!” 

Katara and Zuko took equal steps away from each other.

“The happy _couple_?” Toph questioned incredulously.

“Yes, ma’am.” The young officer folded his arms over his puffed out chest. He winked at Katara and her stomach went queasy. “Caught these two crazy kids in some trouble earlier today.” 

Zuko shuffled uncomfortably before glancing at her. “We apologize again, Sir.”

“At your age, that kinda thing can’t be helped. But don’t let the other officers catch you!” The guard turned his gaze to the sky as though recalling his own first love. “How does a Fire Nation boy and Water Tribe girl end up together anyway?”

Toph spit a loogie into the ground. “I was wondering the same thing, Officer  Huang .”

If Zuko could fire bend with his eyes alone, Katara is sure he would have set Toph ablaze.

"Well, I was the son of a Fire Nation soldier, my dad was stationed at the southern border, and she’s—uh—“

"My mom was a war prisoner—from the Northern water tribe. We traveled around to find a new home after the war, and we met each other in Ba Sing Se. One thing led to another and, um, now…he's imprisoned…my heart?"

Zuko gently squeezed at Katara’s waist, awakening whatever butterflies had settled in her stomach from earlier that morning.

"Right, which is why we ran away. My uncle referred us to Master Beifong, since she might need work done here at her school. Right, Sifu?"

Zuko’s smile stretched so painfully over his teeth that even Katara’s cheeks hurt.

“Of course,” Toph offered, “how could I ignore the plea of two bumbling idiots in love.” 

Zuko’s eye twitched. Katara very indiscreetly covered her laugh with a cough.

“For which we are so grateful, to have an opportunity to start a life in this wonderful city, right, darling?” Her pain was mirrored in his stiff smile, Zuko's pale hands discoloring from the grip she exerted. 

“Of course, dear!” he gritted out. 

The guard smiled, wide and honest and all too Earth-Nation-gullible. They were close, so close, to getting out of this with their necks still intact with their skulls. The burly man leaned in, one hand on Zuko’s shoulder.

"You know, they say that Omashu was built by forbidden lovers. It’s a good setting for a romance like yours.” The former soldier grinned from ear to ear. “Have you two seen the Ember Island Players?" 

"Nope!" Katara exclaimed, as Zuko’s face stained the same shade of red from ear to ear. 

"Well you see,” he explained, “there's this play they put on, about the travels of the Avatar—“

"Mmhm, you don't say, interesting topic," Zuko mumbled.

"Right, and there's this romance between the Fire Lord—“

"Really, the Fire Lord? Isn't he like 16?” Katara interjected, hand holding her chin like a sage would. “Too young for romance." 

"Let the man speak!" Toph demanded, arms crossed.

Unbothered, the guard continued, "And the Fire Lord falls in love with the Southern water master who taught the Avatar! It's just like your story. He even has a scar, like yours!" The officer points, quite rudely, right at Zuko.

Zuko stuttered, "Yeah, but—I mean, the Fire Lord has a scar, yes, but it’s totally on the other side."

“The wrong side, even!” Katara remarked.

Officer Huang drummed his fingers lightly at the sides of his arms. 

"I didn't want to be rude, but I was curious how you'd get that kind of burn." 

"Oil fire." Zuko answers quickly. 

"Yep, boar-q-pine fat, all over his face," Katara added.

"Too bad Rushi isn't a bender,” Zuko laughed, “maybe she'd be able to fix the burn. It’s a joke between us. Isn’t that right, honey?" Zuko turned to Katara, his grimace pulling his face grotesquely, a vein popping on the smooth side of his forehead. 

Katara giggled in a high octave. "Yep, my Li, always the comedian!" She weaved her arm through his, then simultaneously they knocked their heads together. 

The officer took a step back, placing his hands on his hips. 

"Well, there we have it. Nothing beats young love. Good day kids. Hope to see you this evening, Miss Beifong.” He turned to leave before suddenly whipping around. “And if any of you see a couple of people about your age who look like the type to destroy vegetable carts, let me be the first to know." He narrowed his eyes seriously before leaving with a bright smile.

Toph slammed her right foot into the earth, sending a small wave through the walkway, closing the gate with a shudder. 

“We can explain—”

Toph interrupted him, “ _Li_ , I don’t know what stunt you two are trying to pull, but you better not fuck up the little thing I have going here.”

“Toph, now, Zuko didn’t do anything—”

“Yeah, _Rushi_? Then what the fuck was that?”

Zuko started, “There was this runaway cart—”

“—the break was broken, and this idiot wasn’t paying attention—”

“We we’re just trying to find you--”

“Then there were cabbages, cabbages everywhere!”

“Cabbage leaves stuck in places cabbage leaves do not belong. It was terrible.”

“A disaster.”

“So we did the only thing we could do, in that situation.”

Toph frowned at the ground. “The only thing you could do...was get married.”

“Well not that, we just kissed!” Zuko laughed uncomfortably.

Katara giggled, in a slightly more believable pitch. “ _FAKE_ kiss. You know! A fake out. Fake out make out.”

“Because of course that officer had to find us,” Zuko bemoaned with a wave of his arms in the air. 

“But we did it for you, Toph! You don’t want too much heat on you now, you know.”

“Right,” the young earth bender confirmed. Her fingers drummed along her arms, her breath measured and calculating. “So you're making out in the middle of the street, on _my_ behalf, but you cretins have no clue that public indecency is a crime in Omashu.”

Katara scoffed with disbelief. “Yeah, who would have guessed?”

“Not me, definitely not me.” Zuko shook his head with his hands on his hips. “I mean, don’t they have the weirdest punishments here, too?”

“Yeah, what kind of king sentences children to be encased in candy?”

“Totally not my style of ruling, no.”

A perfectly timed cricket chirp echoed through the courtyard.

“And you two are unaware that you can have a totally real make out, like, whenever? I’ve been subjected to enough of your combined foolishness.”

Zuko gasped, incredulous, “Toph, there’s no need for real make outs here."

“None at all. I can’t believe you’d insinuate that.” Katara’s two hands covered her heart as though to protect her dignity.

Toph’s forehead smack stung even Katara. “So the thing you guys had, like a year ago, meant nothing.”

“What thing? Katara, do you know of any proclaimed _thing_?”

“No, Zuko, I have no clue what Toph could be insinuating. In fact, I don’t think she need insinuate any longer.”

“I completely agree, do you agree, Toph?”

“So all the time before the war ended and Katara went galavanting with Aang across the world, when you guys spent a _month_ sleeping in the same bed and holding hands and making googly eyes at each other—”

“Googly eyes?” Katara breathed as dubiously as possible. “I think someone needs _sight_ to determine if googly eyes are being made. Which is no discredit to one of the world’s most powerful benders.”

Toph snorted and Zuko shot Katara a smirk. 

“Speaking of the world’s most powerful bender,” Zuko put on his most FatherLordish tone of all, “why do you have plans to see that officer this evening, Toph?”

Toph’s wry smile dropped. “None of your beeswax, Bub.”

“Did you make amends with your parents?” Katara was genuinely curious about her friend. “Is that how you can afford all this?”

“I told you,” Toph huffed, “it’s about who you know.”

Zuko rifled through his tunic, pulling out a rumpled leaf of paper. “And about which fights you enter. I found _this_.”

“Found what? I can’t see, idiot.”

Katara snatched the flyer out of Zuko’s hand, her eyes skimming it critically. “You’re still fighting in underground battles, Toph?”

Toph waved a dismissive hand. “It’s not that big a deal. A girl has to make ends meet. Besides, Gramps approves.”

Katara’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Gramps?” 

“Yeah, you know, the fat old dude who has his own life when not picking up after his twerpy nephew.” If Toph knew she could roll her eyes, she would have.

Zuko snorted. “Right, like Uncle approves of you participating in illicit earth bending fights.” He paused for a moment before sighing. “Actually, it sounds like exactly the kind of thing he’d encourage.”

“Speaking of Gramps, I almost forgot." With the stamp of her foot, Toph propelled a box through the air before catching it deftly. "He left something for you.” 

He glanced at Toph warily before shaking the present. He pulled out a small, nondescript tin. “Tea? He couldn’t wait to give it to me in person?” 

“He said you have to read the directions.”

He peered back into the box, finding a parchment folded simply taped to the inside. Zuko sighed before scanning over the written note quickly. 

Toph picked at her ears with a bored expression. “He mentioned it was for the both of you.”

“For me too?” Katara perked up. “Then let me see it.” 

Zuko coughed uncomfortably and pointed his gaze decisively at the ground. “That’s really not necessary.”

“Then let me read the note at least,” asked Katara in confusion. 

“Gramps also mentioned he could only tell me what it was when I’m older.”

“Older?” Katara repeated. 

“Which probably means,” Toph continued, “it has to do with sex.”

Katara scoffed, “Toph, don’t be so crass, Iroh doesn’t have that type of humor. Right, Zu--”

She looked up just in time to watch the note go up in flames. Zuko shook the ashes out of his hands, wiping his palms onto the front of his tunic.

He avoided the comment entirely. “Uncle is definitely a funny guy!” Steam lines shimmered above his head.

Katara quirked an eyebrow. “So, what did the note say?”

Zuko pulled a face before rubbing the pile of ash with the heel of his shoe. “Nothing in particular.”

“Ohhhkay. So, can we at least make the tea?” Katara requested, growing impatient.

Zuko smiled brightly. “Nope!”

Toph burped absentmindedly. “You really don’t plan on getting lucky tonight, Sparky? I’d say you have a good chance to shoot your shot.”

He proceeded to yeet the canister over the high wall of the Toph’s estate. The sound of tumbling sphere-shaped vegetation echoed off the walls of the training field. 

A blood curdling scream ensued. "My _cabbages_!”


End file.
